I’ve only talked about our infertility problems once here, on the first post of this blog. It’s not an easy thing for me to talk about, and when I do, I usually cry (I hate crying, it makes me feel so weak!) And it’s not really infertility – I’ve been pregnant twice – so I don’t really know what to call it. But it’s been 2+ years since our last failed pregnancy and over a year since we’ve stopped preventing, so that qualifies as infertility, right? I really don’t know.
Can I just say that it sucks? That it’s been over 2 years since our tubal pregnancy and it still bums me out (I honestly wonder if that will ever completely go away? I don’t think so). I mean, sure – day to day I’m totally fine and so content with the life we have here in Austin. I am so dang happy with Tyler – I feel so lucky to be his wife. He is so funny and easy-going, he is kind and patient. Tyler is one of the best people I have ever known. I for reals lucked out in the husband department and I am forever grateful for that. And we are so happy here – it’s hard to be so far from family & old friends, but we have it so good here!
So I feel like I am in a much better place emotionally than I was a few years ago. I can look past the failed pregnancies and our current infertility and see all the wonderful blessings we enjoy. But there is still a part of me that wonders why us – why is it taking us so long now – why is life so unfair? Wah, wah, wah. I know it’s immature to think like that and I know I’m better than that (I hope I’m better than that!). And part of me thinks that we’re lucky we don’t have kids yet. Moving to Austin and downsizing to a 630 square foot apartment with NO JOBS! That was a crazy gamble but it’s paid off so well, thankfully! And we’re working hard to pay off all our debt (consumer + student loans). We couldn’t have done all that we have if we had a baby already. So these warring sides of me – I’m both grateful and sad that we don’t have kids yet. And then I feel guilty for being glad to be childless. Color me confused!
But we’ve got plans to kick this infertility crap in the butt. I’ve got to find an obgyn here in Austin and start there. I do believe that we will get this figured out and have a baby, one way or another :)
















